I needed healing. I had come to a point in my life where I shut God out. God made His way in. He showed me His grace and His mercy. He showed me what it was like to be considered a brother. But most importantly, He healed the most important thing in my life…my relationship with my family.
It was through interaction with other Christians that God facilitated this change. I am forever grateful for that. But somehow, I lost sight of what God had done. Instead of being focused on the hold my struggle with same-sex attraction had on my life, a new idol was developing. I began to see myself in some sort of ministry where I proclaimed God’s victory in my life and helped countless others facilitate their own change.
There is nothing wrong with being a “crusader”. But events of the last couple days have shown me that it’s not my nature. I’m an introvert. I love people, but I hate crowds. I love hearing stories of redemption, but I need to realize that I’m not anyone’s personal Holy Spirit or Jesus.
So starting today, I’m reclaiming my life. I belong to Christ. I’m Stacy’s husband. I’m Kara and Dane’s father. I will give my all for 40 hours a week to my employer. I will continue to donate my time as treasurer of my church. I will work to get a men’s ministry started in my church. But I am not a leader. Not a crusader. Not a teacher. Prior goals cancelled. I’ll finish up this Associate’s degree and have a piece of paper that says I understand religion. Then, I’ll begin to repay my student loans, live my life, and show that God uses ordinary people and lets them remain ordinary.
I’m sorry if others had different goals for me, but I needed to realize that I’m just me; an ordinary husband, father, and sinner seeking Christ, standing on God’s grace alone.